Introspection

Hi. It’s been a long time since I talked to you, since I fantasized about you. I used to smile when I thought about you, you know. They told me it made my face light up beautifully. I haven’t seen that smile for years now. I don’t know where it’s gone, and I miss it. I miss being able to lose myself in thoughts of you without care, without the stress of the entire world’s opinion on my shoulders.

You were my dream. All my childhood, I kept creating ambitions, just like you, and one by one, they all crumbled away. And when I needed you, you slipped through my fingers. I miss that sense of purpose you brought me, I miss the hope that made me think I could do whatever I wanted in this fortunate lifetime. 

And I still can. But I need you. And I don’t think it’s too late to call you back. There’s always something worth fighting for, isn’t there? There’s always a hope like you worth fighting for. 

The world says you are a silly thing. Ambitions are silly, especially when they aren’t ordinary enough for all the diverse critics of this world. But you brought me happiness, and I want you back. Happiness is a choice, as I keep repeating to myself over and over, each day. But I don’t have anything to bring me my happiness. I let you fly away, and you left me in the lurch. I struggle to find a reason, a firm direction that shows me my path in life. But I can’t find it. 

They say my goals, my ambitions are impossible. But are they really?

There’s always the light shining at the end of the tunnel, isn’t there? I think I might be onto something with the ideology I had in my childhood. Because dreams don’t go away, not really. They lie in the dark crevices of your mind, waiting for you to realize that maybe having the hope and the imagination and the far-fetched ambitions of a child isn’t so much of a bad thing after all, now is it? 

I just need to think. Not with the eyes looking upon the various opinionated windows of the world, but with eyes gazing and rediscovering the colourful world within. After all, only when you are in touch with you are do you realize the presence of a kindred spirit.
And maybe, just maybe, that won’t be such a bad thing, after all.

Thank you. x