Imminence

I walked up to the mirror, and slowly chanced a glance at my reflection.

Cherry red lips stared back at me. My face was no longer sallow, but was instead coated with a pretentious coating of fair dust, and my cheeks, strained with the effort of holding up a fake smile, were brushed with a hint of crimson. 

What hadn’t changed were my eyes, chestnut colored irises that still held a twinkle, a remembrance of the happy memories that they had contained. 

My reflection was everything that I’d always wanted it to be. Beautiful and exquisite. I didn’t remember my journey. I didn’t feel particularly happy, now that I’d become as attractive as I’d always wanted myself to be.

I was surrounded by people. Wanted, even. Everything I’d always wanted to be. But I wasn’t happy, and I didn’t know why.

Memories of the past and of days where I’d persevered to become this popular fragment of myself, replayed constantly in my head. 

I was everything that I’d always wanted to be. Yet, I was not. 

And I felt like this moment, the one where I had been staring at my reflection, looking at it, honestly and truly, was building up to a crescendo. And I knew what I had to do.

I promised myself that day. 

The past is what I was. The present is what I am. But the future? The future holds so many possibilities. And I have the choice to make the person I want out of myself, for the future, where all hopes reside, lies in wait for me. 

"The past is to be learned from but not lived in. We look back to claim the embers from glowing experiences but not the ashes. And when we have learned what we need to learn and have brought with us the best that we have experienced, then we look ahead."

Sure, I became what I wanted on the exterior. But I left my morals behind, back there in the past. I am still not the person I’ve always wanted to be.

But I will be, someday.